Dear ex

I'm angry that you cheated and I'm the one who had to pay for it,
I'm angry at all those months you lied to me
I'm angry that I gave you my best and my all
and you continued to be wishy washy and drag me along
I'm angry that I was myself ; a good and loving person
and you weren't
I'm angry that you'll continue to go around to your friends and talk about me
in the worse ways possible,
No matter what I do in my life or what you've done to hurt me.
I'm angry that very few people will know what kind of a guy you were to me
and that the majority will get whatever BS you give themI'm angry that although I am dear to your mother & sister that I'd have to speak with them rarely because I despise you.
I'm angry that you wasted my time knowing it wouldn't last and that you were was doing your dirt; yet refusing to let me go,
Although I wish that you had......
Your petty , immature and childish acts and words have completely consumed any pleasant emotion I had towards you
I pray that God blesses you because I no longer want to have anything to do with you.

- A Woman Scorned

Touched

Yesterday's devotional spoke of crying out to the Lord in a time of need. Of moments when we feel that if He is watching , then why are we in such a predicament and is He really there. One must know that these are not questions of a lack of faith but more so of a servant seeking answers from his master; a student from his teacher, a child from their parent. How will one know if you are confused or seek an answer if you do not ask? Does the bible not state: 'Seek and ye shall find' ?

That devotional became more personal to me yesterday. I buzzed in a familiar, devoted guest into our doors and he quickly approached me with outstretched hands , saying that I must quickly hold his hand. I hesitated at first and ad inquired why. He said it was to receive this blessing. I placed my hands in his and listened as he spoke prosperity into everything that I touch. I agreed and in seconds it was over and things went back as they once were.

I believe the Lord was speaking to me .... :)

Plea for Life

Topsy Turvy,
Pulled from the Inside Out.
With arms of frustration wailed feverishly in the air; she gives up.
She lets go of all that she had hoped because there is nothing left to grasp.
Scabbed knees, bruised hands and an etch stained heart,
She continues to cling with the little she has left; but lacks the strength to carry on.
' I cannot....' she thinks with grief,
'What is there left for me?'
'I am but one in a billion of persons; all struggling not to win at this race but just to finish,
Just to make it....

She looks up in anger, screaming out: 'If it were up to I dear Lord, I would not continue!'
'Remove me from this place of great discordance,'
'I cannot bear this on my own.'
'I've been tarnished,
'I am but a faint shadow of what I once was...'

I don't think anyone understands me.
Sometimes u reach a point where u ask if anyone loves you
It's like what the heck am I here for?
When in reality I don't really want to know.
It's just a question that echoes through the air......

Direction

Am I where you want me Lord?
If not, then lead me.
Shower me with your many blessing
With acts of kindness that my human heart cannot fathom
My my faith be as endless as the oceans
And as profound as the rivers that make them
May the works of my hands be fruitful
May my words soothe the hearts of those that have suffered, and bring joy to those who are weak,
Love me Lord, as you had loved your disciples

Take my heart and mind, that they may be pure and positive
Open my eyes to the beauty of this world beyond its sin
And to the eternal joy that I will experience through your word

As I reflect, I know that your love is as indescribable and adjoining as that of a mother and her child
Because I am your child.
You have claimed me; I am yours
Let not any person or act of unrighteousness go against that which is yours
That whom you have blessed and made holy.
I have found my refuge
With you I am safe
As I marvel on the goodness and ever forgiving nature of my Saviour: I say thank you.

Truth.

Love isn't a bed of roses
It's the thorns that cover and ascend to that great centre in which beauty blooms from within

Misery

Today I have this long sinking feeling of melancholy on my shoulders.
and trust me , the piece of plastic glove found in my meat loaf , from a nearby cafe didn't help either.
So of course, by the time I got hit on by one of the construction men in the convenience store I did not have the time, much less the energy.
His big ears, were just not cute......

Think I'll take this evening to just relax and enjoy being with me :)

Everyone needs a breather at some point....

Invisible..

Just like the space above,
So is the depths of my love
Empty......lost....unseen.
If I could fix it,
It would include you.
And all that I tried to undo would unravel
Into the simplicity and closure of a past,
That no longer counts.
It'll never amount to the knowledge and experience I've gained.
Through the depths of my eyes,
Lies the sinking demise.
For all that was before,
Is no more,
but here I am.
I can no longer be; invisible.

He Gat Game

What the heck is up with guys and their 'game'?
I am just sick of it. They say they'll call you, you exchange numbers , he was respectful and polite, so why am I getting approached by some rowdy chick through texts and a phone call askin who I tryin to reach and when I ask him he act da fool. 'I dunno....', 'You sure das my number.......' 'I don't recall that' boi,PLEASE...
Just be for real. Don't run the girl around in circles, don't spill out lines and fake words. Suck it up! Be a man. If you ain't gon call don't say you will. It is a waste of time and effort. My truth and faith towards guys is leaning on nill and I've heard of other experiences that females have had that have simply turned them off. Man , screw it! you can't have your cake and eat it too. Dis ain no ghost move, get from behind da bushes and face up.
Aww,and dat 'friends' s***, is the worse. Dude, if you ain into just hanging out with the girl, having a good conversation and relaxin then don't front. This whole mixed signals thing is garbage. Open and friendly one day ,distant and defensive the next. Who you tryin to fool?
Ladies, you've got yours too. 'I gat a man' . Girl, you just usin that line to feel good about yourself and make them think you're taken so they'd want you more or to not be bothered but flirt and mess around anyway. You ain gat a man, you gat an excuse. An excuse to do s***. Ever hear a faithful chick give a guy a lecture on y she can't cheat on her man? No, cuz it don't happen. She just don't do it , she ain gatta talk about it. If she busy givin you a list of the whys and can't then she's already considered it to some point and she don't care.

Be real, stop the s*** and grow up, damn.

Talk to me ppl, I wanna hear from you.

Who knew?

Who knew I could be so angry?
At all the things that would hinder me,
The people who brought destruction to me,
Persons who had no faith in me and
At a broken childhood, leading to a disruptive past.

Who knew I'd feel so lonely yet full of rage?
At everything I can't change,
The mistakes I cannot repair,
The family members outside my grasp,
The hurdles I can overcome periodically, but not always.

Who knew I'd want another life?
If I had a choice I'd change all that held me back.
Confront the people who broke me down,
And cut off any person or anything that I learnt later had the worst of intentions for me.

My years and life would be arranged in such a way,
That no false witness, bad word or thought would harm me.
I'd be a rock: strong, stable and silent.
I wouldn't feel as I do now: exposed, vulnerable,defensive...... angry.