Dear ex

I'm angry that you cheated and I'm the one who had to pay for it,
I'm angry at all those months you lied to me
I'm angry that I gave you my best and my all
and you continued to be wishy washy and drag me along
I'm angry that I was myself ; a good and loving person
and you weren't
I'm angry that you'll continue to go around to your friends and talk about me
in the worse ways possible,
No matter what I do in my life or what you've done to hurt me.
I'm angry that very few people will know what kind of a guy you were to me
and that the majority will get whatever BS you give themI'm angry that although I am dear to your mother & sister that I'd have to speak with them rarely because I despise you.
I'm angry that you wasted my time knowing it wouldn't last and that you were was doing your dirt; yet refusing to let me go,
Although I wish that you had......
Your petty , immature and childish acts and words have completely consumed any pleasant emotion I had towards you
I pray that God blesses you because I no longer want to have anything to do with you.

- A Woman Scorned

Touched

Yesterday's devotional spoke of crying out to the Lord in a time of need. Of moments when we feel that if He is watching , then why are we in such a predicament and is He really there. One must know that these are not questions of a lack of faith but more so of a servant seeking answers from his master; a student from his teacher, a child from their parent. How will one know if you are confused or seek an answer if you do not ask? Does the bible not state: 'Seek and ye shall find' ?

That devotional became more personal to me yesterday. I buzzed in a familiar, devoted guest into our doors and he quickly approached me with outstretched hands , saying that I must quickly hold his hand. I hesitated at first and ad inquired why. He said it was to receive this blessing. I placed my hands in his and listened as he spoke prosperity into everything that I touch. I agreed and in seconds it was over and things went back as they once were.

I believe the Lord was speaking to me .... :)

Plea for Life

Topsy Turvy,
Pulled from the Inside Out.
With arms of frustration wailed feverishly in the air; she gives up.
She lets go of all that she had hoped because there is nothing left to grasp.
Scabbed knees, bruised hands and an etch stained heart,
She continues to cling with the little she has left; but lacks the strength to carry on.
' I cannot....' she thinks with grief,
'What is there left for me?'
'I am but one in a billion of persons; all struggling not to win at this race but just to finish,
Just to make it....

She looks up in anger, screaming out: 'If it were up to I dear Lord, I would not continue!'
'Remove me from this place of great discordance,'
'I cannot bear this on my own.'
'I've been tarnished,
'I am but a faint shadow of what I once was...'

I don't think anyone understands me.
Sometimes u reach a point where u ask if anyone loves you
It's like what the heck am I here for?
When in reality I don't really want to know.
It's just a question that echoes through the air......

Direction

Am I where you want me Lord?
If not, then lead me.
Shower me with your many blessing
With acts of kindness that my human heart cannot fathom
My my faith be as endless as the oceans
And as profound as the rivers that make them
May the works of my hands be fruitful
May my words soothe the hearts of those that have suffered, and bring joy to those who are weak,
Love me Lord, as you had loved your disciples

Take my heart and mind, that they may be pure and positive
Open my eyes to the beauty of this world beyond its sin
And to the eternal joy that I will experience through your word

As I reflect, I know that your love is as indescribable and adjoining as that of a mother and her child
Because I am your child.
You have claimed me; I am yours
Let not any person or act of unrighteousness go against that which is yours
That whom you have blessed and made holy.
I have found my refuge
With you I am safe
As I marvel on the goodness and ever forgiving nature of my Saviour: I say thank you.

Truth.

Love isn't a bed of roses
It's the thorns that cover and ascend to that great centre in which beauty blooms from within

Misery

Today I have this long sinking feeling of melancholy on my shoulders.
and trust me , the piece of plastic glove found in my meat loaf , from a nearby cafe didn't help either.
So of course, by the time I got hit on by one of the construction men in the convenience store I did not have the time, much less the energy.
His big ears, were just not cute......

Think I'll take this evening to just relax and enjoy being with me :)

Everyone needs a breather at some point....

Invisible..

Just like the space above,
So is the depths of my love
Empty......lost....unseen.
If I could fix it,
It would include you.
And all that I tried to undo would unravel
Into the simplicity and closure of a past,
That no longer counts.
It'll never amount to the knowledge and experience I've gained.
Through the depths of my eyes,
Lies the sinking demise.
For all that was before,
Is no more,
but here I am.
I can no longer be; invisible.

He Gat Game

What the heck is up with guys and their 'game'?
I am just sick of it. They say they'll call you, you exchange numbers , he was respectful and polite, so why am I getting approached by some rowdy chick through texts and a phone call askin who I tryin to reach and when I ask him he act da fool. 'I dunno....', 'You sure das my number.......' 'I don't recall that' boi,PLEASE...
Just be for real. Don't run the girl around in circles, don't spill out lines and fake words. Suck it up! Be a man. If you ain't gon call don't say you will. It is a waste of time and effort. My truth and faith towards guys is leaning on nill and I've heard of other experiences that females have had that have simply turned them off. Man , screw it! you can't have your cake and eat it too. Dis ain no ghost move, get from behind da bushes and face up.
Aww,and dat 'friends' s***, is the worse. Dude, if you ain into just hanging out with the girl, having a good conversation and relaxin then don't front. This whole mixed signals thing is garbage. Open and friendly one day ,distant and defensive the next. Who you tryin to fool?
Ladies, you've got yours too. 'I gat a man' . Girl, you just usin that line to feel good about yourself and make them think you're taken so they'd want you more or to not be bothered but flirt and mess around anyway. You ain gat a man, you gat an excuse. An excuse to do s***. Ever hear a faithful chick give a guy a lecture on y she can't cheat on her man? No, cuz it don't happen. She just don't do it , she ain gatta talk about it. If she busy givin you a list of the whys and can't then she's already considered it to some point and she don't care.

Be real, stop the s*** and grow up, damn.

Talk to me ppl, I wanna hear from you.

Who knew?

Who knew I could be so angry?
At all the things that would hinder me,
The people who brought destruction to me,
Persons who had no faith in me and
At a broken childhood, leading to a disruptive past.

Who knew I'd feel so lonely yet full of rage?
At everything I can't change,
The mistakes I cannot repair,
The family members outside my grasp,
The hurdles I can overcome periodically, but not always.

Who knew I'd want another life?
If I had a choice I'd change all that held me back.
Confront the people who broke me down,
And cut off any person or anything that I learnt later had the worst of intentions for me.

My years and life would be arranged in such a way,
That no false witness, bad word or thought would harm me.
I'd be a rock: strong, stable and silent.
I wouldn't feel as I do now: exposed, vulnerable,defensive...... angry.

Failure to myself and to my Lord

I'm constantly failing you aren't I Father?
Why Am I falling to these past actions so easily?
They disgust me.
Make me feel like less of a person.
Remind me of where I came from and what I felt like,
Used to feel like.....
Used to be..... thought I was.

Save me Lord!
I want you, I know I do.
But I do I want you enough is the question
Enough to let go again.
Enough to resist these things, foot down and head shaking feverishly at sin,
Enough to believe in myself and you.
But I didn't want to be here again Lord,
I didn't want to be that person.
Oh Lord, help me,
Save Me.
I know what it's like to be lost, confused and ashamed.
I don't want to be that way
Not even for a few seconds.
I Love You,
I Need You,
Please, Please
Be With Me...........
Be my Rock Again,
Be My Shelter,
Be My Father,
Make me new and whole again.
I can feel that part slipping away.
Not as easily as sand , but not as concrete as the foundation I had before.

I'm not that victim,
I'm not that girl again.....EVER.
She's dead to you & I.
I am here now , and that's who I want to stay.
Please. Forgive me Lord.
Know that I am Sorry,
And I need you.
Fill my heart today,
Make it pure,
Make it Right,
Make me whole once again.
I want not to feel defiled, unclean.
For only beauty resides in God's Children.

Love Me Lord,
Please Come In.
Take Me Back.......

Foolish

Dear Lord it was foolish to think I could escape or more so that you had left me.
I hid in shadows, dark corners and broken alleys afraid that I was far less than I once was;
A blurred image of what I once was,
I was afraid.
Afraid that I would not be able to have the two men I love in my life, as an important part of my life equally
That I had to choose, and that it would hurt.
I trusted the flesh, took his word as truth and felt compelled that it was something I had to do.
But Lord I am ready. Ready to make that sacrifice and dive head first into your spirit and back into my unwavering faith.
You will lead him to me , you will send my husband for me , I have no need to worry.
All that I ask will be given, and he will love me unconditionally.
Help me to understand and accept this Lord.
To take his words to heart and not to ear
To rest my faith and trust in him as I do you.
Teach me Lord, teach me to be wise and truthful
Humble and forthright
Be a girlfriend, a wife and most importantly myself : always.
To serve and love you through all things
Thank you Lord,
Thank you for never letting me go, and loving me.
I Love You.

Coming into me...

life is hard. it's gettin thru it that makes u better, it's easy to quit
i know most persons believe that when u get saved ur life gets automatically easier but in fact it's 10 times as hard cuz the devil will hit u from everywhere becuz u're a threat to him and his mission is to kill, steal and destroy
they think their probs will subside n fall away but u have to pray about it and have faith
but even when u have faith : it still hurts
but i don't have a choice
when u're chosen das it
by the Lord i mean , He chooses you and when that happens u can't escape it, u will be trialled, humiliated , while wisdom, grace and love will take over
one thing i was thinking today that also succored my mood was remembering this:
How can one say they love the Lord and not their brother?
To be of God is to love and befriend a stranger not just those u know or think u want to get to know
and i let that influence me
so i don't dislike her, jus don't trust it is all
but i'm happy for that
there's a reason that certain things form my devotionals stood out in my head and stayed with me until today

But It Hurts...

In life we take chances
We make mistakes
We fall: we get up
we cry, we scar
We lose.......

Please try to remember before, during and after this, that the Lord has prepared you for this and you will be alright. He will wipe every tear, mend every wound because He Loves You.


- I understand all this.......................but it hurts. :(

Let Him In.

Do I really want to be loved?

Would I be able to find someone whose presence shines like the sun.

Would I be willing to let them in?

Allow them to console all of me

Could I really believe that I found someone who loves unconditionally?

Is it true that my faith should lie in him?

That my heart lies safe and secure

That my mind has blinded me with trickery

And to trust is all I need?

Quit playing with my heart dear mind

Just let my emotions be

Stop these thoughts and words from making me think falsely

I don’t want to doubt or second guess my every move: just let me be free.

There are no faults, stop finding every excuse and fear

You no longer have to run away dear child

Just let him take you in your arms

For you are no longer broken.

I deserve to be happy and loved.

This happiness is mine

For him to value me far above

That he has befriends, and others he had once loved.

Take my hand

Hold My Heart

Embrace me swiftly and completely: never let me go.

- June 20.06

I am His!

He has not forgotten me,
I am so happy to say, no SCREAM this out loud!
For all this time I have felt the dark claws of the enemy, the endless turmoil and long pursuit.
Wondering If I was alone,
But My God, you have never left me!

I am so happy to be your child,
To be yours,
To be purchased with your blood,
To know you, your love, mercy and divinity.

I will shout it out to the world: I AM YOURS! AND YOURS ALONE!

Devil Don't Mess With Me.
No weapon formed before or against me shall prosper and the wicked shall disappear in his presence.
He is MY God, My conqueror, My King.

Alas dear Lord, you have filled me once again with the power, magnitude and energy that thirsts and hungers for you.

Never leave me Lord, I want only to be with you.

Exhale.....

I will... remain calm in all circumstances Be prepared for anything to the best of my abilities Accept my faults and turn them into strengths Know who I am and show it well Keep the Lord as my best friend and rely on Him always Be true to myself and my values Love all those whom I come in contact with ; even if only temporarily Live everyday to its fullest Never Undervalue myself Laugh everyday Pray every night Love Eternally.

Mysterious Ways

The Lord has truly blessed me these past 2 weeks in ways I hadn't even imagined

I have been given an evening job that has awoken my typing skills, formal language and need for accuracy
My boss is willing to teach me the ways of Law and assist me in a matter that has needed legal action for quite sometime.

Met a gifted and driven Bahamian poetry who wishes to help me excel him to a Noble prize in poetry. I will once again , regain my passion for language and poetry and will soar..

I am so excited


He knows your wants and needs

He hears your prayers

Just have faith & believe

He WILL answer you.

Carefree

Kissing my worries away And letting my strife blow in the wind Got no reason to be bagged down ....I have the Lord! He has healed my body Made me whole Filled my heart And kept me alive Whom shall I fear?

God Spoke To Me..For you

I received a message for you today

Early this morning near my street
I ran into a guy , I've seen on many occassions , always standing on his feet
We usually catch the same bus, hailed a time or two
But never had we once been introduced or exchanged words
He asked about my status,
Asking where's the ring I should adorn
I told him , that I'm far too young for such a thing
I'm not ready for a relationship just yet
He just laughed it off and began to speak on his past job experience
While in between asking about mine
He then spoke of his endearing wife and a female that they took in
Doesn't it sound familair to you?
The way your family invited me into their lives and blessed me with their love
He said this act has changed her life , and she feels truly blessed
I'm thankful that the Lord has looked out for me , always giving me the best
So anyway....
His message spoke of being focused on your goal
When enetering in a relationship is best to come in with something and leave with nothing
Than to go in with nothing and come out with the same
I agreed with this and so he went on..
He spoke on how you speak into your future , what it is , is up to you
You shape and form it with the power of your words
It's like a mango seed, where at first you did not see
But lying in there is a great, fruit bearing tree
Although it's on the inside the seed at first must believe
That in them lies a strong , prosperous tree
Also that the Lord commands us to be prosperous
In both instances it is essential that one stays focus , have the right attitude and be one of substance
Know what you want and make it happen

That gentleman is a minister, and he said he was unaware of why he was led to me
He said he had an insight that I was focused on what I want and believed in it
He gave a short note I wish to share with you
That although in a sermn a message is preached
Amongst the many : it was only sent for few
For the many , it was sent to let them know
That they're on the right path and to keep their spirits and faith high
But for the others it made a breakthrough
It was meant to feed a need, to nurture a ailing spirit
Or answer a silent prayer

I realize now , that like those many , I was told from Him to stay on course
And for you , this message was sent through me to you
To assure you that the Lord
Your destiny and goals are near


Speak life into your dreams
And stay encouraged and faithful in yourself
Let the Lord guide you fully;
Let Him order your steps