Bright Light amongst my darkness

I know that plans have been moved, adjusted and stopped but still I do not worry.
I do not squirm and fight,
Pout or Complain.
I remain firm in my faith and trust in Him.

Oh yes I have been tempted!
By the persons of my yesteryear, whose intentions aim to harm,
But God sent me friends and a silver lining to lift my spirits and encourage my soul.

Even when I am surrounded by doubt, from persons and events close to me
For some reason I find warmth and lightness in my heart , that radiates through my actions.

I have developed a concept today known as :" filter out the garbage". This refers to removing persons, things, thoughts and intentions that aim to burden, hurt or limit you in anyway. Rejuvenate and fill yourself with all that is good, hopeful endearing, beautiful, wise and everlasting.

Since my fast, I have received great enlightenment, understanding, blessings and joy. It is beyond words , the gifts I have received from following the instructions of the Lord on that Monday morning & I would never take it back.

Gettin' It Together

I've decided today to get myself together: for real.

Listening to a good friend of mine tell me of the items he has structured in his life for 3 months really inspired me. In fact, I was proud of him . He's a newlywed and recent father and has placed certain events such as toastmasters and exercising as a part of this weekly routine for a set time to reach an accomplished goal.

It made me want to do more, push more. REALLY work one establishing myself while increasing my value and self worth simultaneously.

I plan on meeting with a financial adviser who will guide me in managing my portfolio. I want to save, invest and know the market well enough to make a profit and be constantly aware.
I want to make smart choices and choose the right companies while building good relationships.

I want to manager my health and weight effectively. Be aware and understand my health entirely, have annual check ups and be on top. Construct a daily exercise and eating habit that will help me to tone and maintain my build and weight successfully.

I want to continue to grow in all aspects of my life: socially, intellectually, professionally, academically and most importantly spiritually.

I also want to grow in maturity, wisdom, acceptance, love and peace as a female, sister, wife, lover and friend.

I feel so great, so inspired and so driven to stay on this path ; no matter what comes my way.

Faced by the past

It feels good knowing that I was myself, my true self throughout this entire experience.
I have learnt how much I have grown and matured,
and also how little some persons haven't and may not.
I am proud that I took a chance,
and refuse to feel sorry for myself or feel weighed down by this experience.
I have learnt a great deal, and as I have noticed within the past few weeks.
I must learn to continue to hold my head high, stay strong and confident
no matter what is placed before me.
It is not what people say I am, but what God says.
I will not succumb to the wicked and evil plots of the devil.
This recent scheme came at a time I felt so proud, happy and confident in myself
and it was meant to blow out the light in my eye and my heart, but I will not allow it.

God , please continue to help me to withstand the pressures of a sinful unjust world.
Aid me in rebuking evil thoughts and succumbing to the whims of others.

Small Victories

I'm very much into celebrating small victories this year because every step in your journey counts.

Today I wrote the biography for Scharadl and he was very impressed. It got me very excited and eager about my future in writing and the beauty of the gift i possess. I want to share it and do it more often. I also saw an advert for beauty schools of America and may attend the enrollment seminars this weekend to study massage therapy. if i do this i would work from 11am - 6pm on weekends only. also i really want to apply to vtv and get my writing potential out there. i am considering working from home only and stopping in on weekends. I'm really loving this feeling i am having. it's hope.

June 8 . 10

AMAZING

Only one word can describe this feeling that I have: AMAZING!

God has fulfilled a promise given to me on the first day of my fast today, on my 27th birthday. One day away from a year ago when I fell down the stairs at my former workplace and missed 3 months of my life. Who knew that I would be able to walk, talk , even function at this time. I was told that my acct. with a long time person would be settled today and the money came true!! He stated it to occur on my birthday and it did! I kept faith and stayed encouraged with a great group of friends. I am growing stronger and stronger in my faith, accepting who I am , more confidence and so much more. I'm becoming a true believer and I love it. I am not scared or worried of the future. I want that my partner experience this feeling and more. Oh how I pray that he does! God is giving me a great team. I am more filled with joy and anticipation than ever before.

I have also become more accepting, patient and kind towards others and see my selfish ways die slowly but surely and replaced with a view of the bigger picture, selfishness and maturity.

I have also been given many opportunities with writing which I'm taking as a sign and I truly love it!

June 3rd, 2010 - 11am

Trust in God

This year has truly taught me to trust in God. He has continually proven his strength, wisdom and power throughout all aspects of my life. The fast that I began last week was only the beginning of my experience. More and more I am earning not to rely on my own understanding but to see the hands of God through it.

He has given me a job that has exposed me to a variety of persons, each with some characteristic that will help to shape me into a better person. Through Stacy I have learnt to grow and maintain a relationship with God on a daily basis. With similar personality traits and beliefs she has become my newest friend. Nicole has been more of a logical and observant who doesn't want me to settle for less while Debbie has shown me that despite an illness like mine u can be happy, successful and live a good life. My aunt has been encouraging, wise and knowledgeable, not allowing me to be doubtful , swayed or unmotivated.

These persons all play a vital role in my life and I am continuing to learn from where God has chosen me to be.

I proclaimed to God that 2010 was the year of my fiance and myself; as a couple and individual and God has followed that every step of the way.
2010 is a beautiful gift I would never give away and I am happy and blessed for everyday of it I am given.

Thanks be to God. It is only through him am I alive, well and joyous. Amen.

Fasting

On the path to discovering God, vision; me.

Day 1 - Monday May 17th, 2010

I instantly awoke from a disturbing nightmare but proclaimed in my mind that I would fast. I had never considered fasting before and was unaware of how life changing it would be. I chose to abstain from food for a week long period with confidence that I could do it. I was hopeful, eager and determined. Four great works occurred that day, assuring me that blessings were all around me and I am doing the right thing. I was able to locate my uncle/mechanic who did not travel yet as planned, my apt. was opened ( thankfully! we had locked the key inside), a very important set of medical notes were prepared within a two day span when the doctor before took almost 2 weeks and a guy I had tracked down and lost contact with for weeks told me the account would be settled on my birthday! Can you believe it?! on my birthday, a double blessing!!

Yes my stomach aches and food smells good but there's a purpose behind this. After hearing about the fasting of yesteryear and today I became fascinated of the experience, healing and breakthrough I can receive from fasting. It became a phenomenon. Although I often cannot sleep without food, I will do so tonight and every night until my goal is reached and I am further in my mission.

p.s. my boo was such a sweetheart and he encouraged me to keep going, also that the blessings i received may disappear or become harmful: I love him :)

Day 2 - I was tired, drained and hungry. ( to be expected I guess)

Day 3 - I was seriously tempted to eat but gained inspiration through the words of friends: "Don't break it, keep going" . I was also told that it is a vow made between you and Christ that should never be broken. There was a television that reminded me that I can achieve something I didn't think I would do. The young man attempted to climb a mountain with anticipation and enthusiasm, but on day 3 he fell weak and thought he wouldn't make it, but he did not let that get to him and by six he reached the top!
He and his folks were so proud I realized I cannot let food have that power over me; it's just food! I would be limiting myself and God by giving in although I was very much tempted to. It gave me the strength and encouragement to sign praises, be proud and be strong.

Day 4 - I decided to end my fast late this afternoon I felt a calmness and happiness about my decision. I accepted that I made it for 3 full days and reached a point of understanding. I will eat something small and continue to praise and worship God with joy. He has really taken me to another plan of control, discipline and patience. I did some feng shui on my desk today and I came in with a mindset to just clear everything away, b more assertive and say NO when necessary I've really released so much this week its amazing. I found joy in fixing/adjusting things on my own such as cleaning the printer, rearranging, fixing a computer problem. I smiled, did it easily n quietly , found it quite soothing actually. Removing food has really helped alot and I gained wisdom. I feel more comfortable with my office/surrounding space and efficient.

I achieved what I had proclaimed in the beginning and more
I believe the life lesson here was acceptance, patience, doing things in time and to not be so excitable. I do not regret my decision and I love that I have experienced such a breakthrough. I will fast & pray more often as a way of meditation, test of faith and becoming closer to God. - May 20 - 5:53pm

I will also be more patient and tolerant of myself rather than harsh.

Jehovah, My Provider

Whenever I need money, God always provides for me. Six months after my fear of being broke and uncomfortable over the Christmas Holiday if there was no bonus; God came through. Today, amongst my penny pinchin' moment in a local foodstore, a politician stood behind me and volunteered to pay for the potatoes I realized I couldn't afford without sacraficing the purchase of meat at another location. Not only did he pay for the item but he also gave me the change; $9 that enabled me to bu the groceries I needed during such a tough time. It's always reassuring when God reminds you of his power, mercy and all knowing prescence in such a small and special way. I am thankful for what I received today which is so much more than the nominal value.

Thank you Lord, for showing me your love through the help of another. I will not question you, for you have everything under control.

These words sang through my ears

My new Life Motto:

I've got evidence, I've confidence

I'm a conqueror ,I know that I win.

I know who I am, God wrote it in his plan For Me,

My name is Victory!

Words to live by

“Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.”- Matthew 22:37-39

So Alone...

So Alone...

so cold
so new
Can I do it?
I believe I can.....

I know I can.
One day at a time,
Things will be better..

New Perspective

If I really knew him
we wouldn't have this problem.
I would've known had i decided to be this way.
I would have to leave him.
Odd thing is I didn't know him well enough to make a decison like this: Imagine marriage?!
I wasn't ready for marriage,
honestly
I tried to learn as much about it as possible this year
I've succeeded in that
and funny thing is,
If I had just kept that one thing in he would've been able to overlook any other problems.
When he first mentioned marriage
I should've asked the questions I needed to know the answer to
Outside of just being happy and whisked away.
I need things to move slow for me
with no pressure,
no expectations.

Silent wish of the Heart

If it is my time to be,
Ever faithfully devoted to Thee.
Take my heart and make it yours.
Let it bring peace and joy to others.
Make my eyes see the vision you have for me.
I know that the roots of my mind,
can barely grasp the reverence and glory of your work......your being,
But it yearns to try.
Take Me.
Mold Me.

I've washed away all that used to be,
For you have called me to be a new being.
One washed in your blood and eager to serve you.
I want to be totally yours.

My hands long to touch the hems of your garment
and the dimensions of your face.

Oh, the wonderful joy that comes from the Master

' Jesus, you're the center of my joy....'

There is so much passion and power in this phrase
It captures the idea that one's happiness comes from the core of God's son....Jesus
Isn't that amazing?
Doesn't it just blow your mind?

What pure happiness and abundance of love one must feel when they say these words to their Saviour
He wants nothing more than to bring His people joy, at all times.

I believe in these words,
I state this claim,
I will make it my life.

Broken Memoir

I'm happy that I made the right decision,
and we did what was best for us.

It's sad to lose a friend,
But even more painful to lose a love.
We faced our fears and erased them before they became a reality.

I'm proud to say I knew you,
Flattered to have met you,
Touched to have been appreciated by you.

Whenever I think of you a smile will adorn my face,
and a warmness will touch my heart.

You gave me a glimpse of a new reality,
Thank you....

I won't forget you.

Subtle & Sweet

"I like buying stuff i can see a girl in...perfume is safe but there is nothing like seeing her walk out from head to toe in "U". - a cool guy

For You.....

Dear Friend,

My prayer for you today

Is that the Word of God touches your soul;

That His light shines brightly through your heart and eyes.

I pray that He showers you with Blessings,

And that you glorify and reverence his name joyfully.

Be still….and know that He is near.

I pray that His love surrounds you,

And his guidance empowers you.

May you keep Him in your heart always.

Your sister in Christ,

M

Observation

No matter the outside appearance of others, it's when we peel theses layers that we realize that pain, tears and happiness knows no race, color or gender; they are simply human.

Fearless

The Lord is my God!
In whom shall I fear?
Though man may try to hurt me , destroy me, batter me and leave me in darkness,
The Lord will forever be my light.

I fear no man.
The Lord is ruler over all things.
On Judgment Day all is called to meet the master, and to answer for their deeds.
Will you be there?
Will He remember and acknowledge you on that day?
He loves all and answers to none.
Let the mountains and birds cry out in awe of all that He has done.

You are part of a higher calling, the Body of Christ;
Strong, Resilient, ever growing and never changing.
Let no one question your destiny,
Your place in the world and in the Lord.
Be Fearless.

If I.

If I should only listen to him,
In the greatest of confidence and follow him.
Let his word be my compass,

If I would not allow the devil to change what the Lord has for me
Manipulate my mind and fool my heart,

If I should just trust in him, be patient and humble: He will answer me.

'God can can take my breathe away
Grant me my deepest wishes
He knows my heart , my mind my soul'