Wednesday, February 22, 2006

God Spoke To Me..For you


I received a message for you today

Early this morning near my street
I ran into a guy , I've seen on many occassions , always standing on his feet
We usually catch the same bus, hailed a time or two
But never had we once been introduced or exchanged words
He asked about my status,
Asking where's the ring I should adorn
I told him , that I'm far too young for such a thing
I'm not ready for a relationship just yet
He just laughed it off and began to speak on his past job experience
While in between asking about mine
He then spoke of his endearing wife and a female that they took in
Doesn't it sound familair to you?
The way your family invited me into their lives and blessed me with their love
He said this act has changed her life , and she feels truly blessed
I'm thankful that the Lord has looked out for me , always giving me the best
So anyway....
His message spoke of being focused on your goal
When enetering in a relationship is best to come in with something and leave with nothing
Than to go in with nothing and come out with the same
I agreed with this and so he went on..
He spoke on how you speak into your future , what it is , is up to you
You shape and form it with the power of your words
It's like a mango seed, where at first you did not see
But lying in there is a great, fruit bearing tree
Although it's on the inside the seed at first must believe
That in them lies a strong , prosperous tree
Also that the Lord commands us to be prosperous
In both instances it is essential that one stays focus , have the right attitude and be one of substance
Know what you want and make it happen

That gentleman is a minister, and he said he was unaware of why he was led to me
He said he had an insight that I was focused on what I want and believed in it
He gave a short note I wish to share with you
That although in a sermn a message is preached
Amongst the many : it was only sent for few
For the many , it was sent to let them know
That they're on the right path and to keep their spirits and faith high
But for the others it made a breakthrough
It was meant to feed a need, to nurture a ailing spirit
Or answer a silent prayer

I realize now , that like those many , I was told from Him to stay on course
And for you , this message was sent through me to you
To assure you that the Lord
Your destiny and goals are near


Speak life into your dreams
And stay encouraged and faithful in yourself
Let the Lord guide you fully;
Let Him order your steps

Friday, February 10, 2006

Burst.....

Sometimes I feel like I'm going to burst
I'm so consumed with fears, worries, insecurities
I'm so scarred , wounded, deserted
I found the Lord but I have yet to find myself

I want to tell someone all that's in me
to get it out in the air
But who will truly be there for me
And lend me a non-judging ear?

Who'll love me when I'm done
When every t's crossed and dotted i's
Who'll look beyond my troubled past
and scattered mind and cherish what's left behind

Is there something left ?
For that, I do not know
I feel I'll fade away
Be swept into the world of nothingness
My lungs too tight to breathe

Will anyone be my rock today?
tomorrow and forever
Forgive me when I do wrong
And add to my strength to endeavors

Is there anyone out there?
Can anyone hear my plea
Can someone fill this empty gap
And come and rescue me

Am I looking for something that's non existent
Never present in a human being
Can no man give me hope, love and passion
Show me what true love means

Alas, I've found that only Jesus
Can come to my quivering aid
Be my rock & shield through all life's battles
Give me the purpose , I haven't yet seen.

That girl

But I want to be that girl
The one he's proud to show his boyz
The one who's hand he holds
The reason he wakes up each day.....

I want to be that woman,
That adds to your life and not take away
The one you're proud to be next to
The one who's pride is as strong as her word
And never lies to you....

I want to be normal
I want to think like a normal human being
And not a frightened child
My mentality is in the past and rejuvenating it is hard

I want to be loved
I want to know what that means

Futile

I want everyone else to be happy because it's all i know
It's all I've been doing
But I can't
To err is human , but to forgive divine
No one's perfect
I can't do it all
I'm not a superhero
But still I try;
And tarry
and endure
I want to stop but it hurts
And hold habits are hard to break
I do as they ask
And as they see.
I was never told it was wrong
Never told I had a voice
A purpose
My life mattered until it was too late and a decade had passed
When someone had given me a hint of value

Why I don't like to be wrong


All my life I've been told what to do
In a negative way , how to live my life
How to be a woman at the age of a child
How to be a guinea pig instead of a woman
How to be violated when I'm respectable
And I've TRIED...
Oh, how i've tried , to just be perfect
Be all that they ask and more
To be and do the impossible
So when I'm wrong it hurts
It hurts becuz i've tried my best
and it went unnoticed
Or it simply wasn't good enough
It hurts becuz i can't give anymore
Simply becuz there's nothing left to give
To disappoint feels like a stab to my heart ,
my self esteem
my will power
I aim to please and to do that only
When I can't or don't
I feel useless
As though i''ve failed
And not just myself but my loved ones
And I need to get their acceptance back
Because without it , I can't survive
I live for them becuz inside i'm hollow
I don't know how to survive

I need to heal...

Upset



When I get upset I say mean things : to others and to myself
I hurt myself with the words i say
The accusations i claim
and the thoughtless phrases i say to those I love
I feel vulnerable , foolish and emotional
I want to be alone but I want to be held
I want to be touched but then not consoled
I want to be strong but I'm weak and make myself out to be clingy, sad & miserable
The next day , or few minutes I'm left with the pieces to pick up
A heart to mend,
Friend to find,
Strength to muster,
Disappoint to let go,
Sorrow to consume
I don't know if I like myself
Or why I harm myself
Love me but when i hurt, i unfortunately hurt others
It's a viscous cycle that i recently recognized
I cancel all plans and be lonely
I'm miserable and teary eyed
My mind jumps to absurd, unheard of conclusions
I think of the weirdest most out there circumstances and situations and i throw them on others
I don't let go : I withhold
I don't want to be alone
I need to deal with me
Fix Me
Heal Me
Love Me
Forgive Me.


Where do I fit in this world....

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

WOw....

When I saw you , you looked amazing. I was taken back by your 'awesomeness'.