Upset

When I get upset I say mean things : to others and to myself
I hurt myself with the words i say
The accusations i claim
and the thoughtless phrases i say to those I love
I feel vulnerable , foolish and emotional
I want to be alone but I want to be held
I want to be touched but then not consoled
I want to be strong but I'm weak and make myself out to be clingy, sad & miserable
The next day , or few minutes I'm left with the pieces to pick up
A heart to mend,
Friend to find,
Strength to muster,
Disappoint to let go,
Sorrow to consume
I don't know if I like myself
Or why I harm myself
Love me but when i hurt, i unfortunately hurt others
It's a viscous cycle that i recently recognized
I cancel all plans and be lonely
I'm miserable and teary eyed
My mind jumps to absurd, unheard of conclusions
I think of the weirdest most out there circumstances and situations and i throw them on others
I don't let go : I withhold
I don't want to be alone
I need to deal with me
Fix Me
Heal Me
Love Me
Forgive Me.


Where do I fit in this world....